I am without doubt the worst person alive to leave comments on this particular book. (Or at least one of the worst people.) I bring too much personal life experience to the table to read a fictional tale about a classical pianist's teenage years with an objective nature added to which I'm kinda in love with Sara Zarr.
I'll try to be good. Or 'nice' or something…
The library copy I read has been censored for profanity by a previous reader who apparently found some of Zarr's language inappropriate. While it's sad that someone would take a felt tip pen and thoroughly blot out words in a book that isn't theirs, filling in the blanks did make for fun reading. Every now and then reading a sentence was like reading some of those letters that Yossarian had to edit while not-injured and dodging the war. "My dad bought me this for the museum fund-raiser. Kinda don't you think?" I'm guessing Zarr, went with 'slutty' but given the freedom to interpret that which had been scratched out, I went with 'whoretastic.'
I read this book in about two hours; that's how much I liked it, but I had to indulge a lot more than an occasional scratched out word. Lucy is sixteen years old and has just recently walked away from the life of a brilliant, classical pianist: traveling to competitions, concert engagements, recordings, and being pimped out by her grandfather to achieve a dream that he has long nursed for someone in his family. After being betrayed by her family over a not-so-insignificant-matter she, wants to be 'normal.' Go to school, have friends, not have her life dictated and planned out for her, to not have to wonder if she even likes playing the piano or if it's just the way her life has always been and she knows nothing else.
All of my problems with Lucy are from my life's experience and I couldn't really picture her in the game to the extent that Zarr wanted her to be. It felt to me Zarr had done surface level research in what is a far more esoteric world than she ever imagined. While Lucy's story and situation were certainly plausible she never came close to passing the eye test in terms of being a classical musician at her stated age, and more specifically, ability level.
There was a mention of Lucy going to a piano and adjusting the pedals. The pedals are fixed and can't be adjusted in any way. Perhaps she meant the piano bench. There was a moment when Lucy is in a mini cooper with her two best friends--who aren't musicians--and she plays classical music. I've only driven a mini once (it was an absurd amount of fun) and it was really loud. Not the car for listening to classical music in. Furthermore, if you put on classical music in a car with other people who have no time for classical music you essentially get beat up about it. There is no arguing this last bit. Lucy has quit playing the piano; hasn't touched it in eight months then on two weeks noticed puts together a Brahms sonata she hasn't played before for a performance only to--spur of the moment--play something else. On no planet does this happen. Ever. Both Lucy and her little brother Gus who has taken up where she left off, don't really practice enough. Practicing becomes compulsive: hearing Gus stress about his hour a day for the level of performance he was supposedly at was laughable. Her family is super rich and they have a rebuilt European grand from the eighteen hundreds. Modern pianos happened around the 1910's-20's when Steinway and Chickering finally got things so right that everyone else adapted what they were doing. Her family would have eschewed the history of her great Uncle's piano in light of a Bosendorfer, Bechstein, Grotrian or Steinway. Finally--kinda--Will, Gus' teacher, doesn't really teach. What was said during lessons was unlike any lesson or masterclass I've ever taken part in.
There was some drunk piano playing as well. Unless, you learn to play the piano or any instrument while drunk, called a conditioned learning response (like me with bowling) you will suck donkey balls at playing the piano when drunk. Elio's drunken moment in Call me by Your Name was far more accurate in terms of playing while under the influence. (But then again, that book was perfect...) Zarr also doesn't talk about music in a way that pianist do. If you just heard someone play, afterwards you may say, "I loved our Liszt!" But if you're talking to other pianists, no one would ever say, "I'm playing a Chopin nocturne." Because everyone's next question would be, "Which one?" You state key and opus immediately after you say Chopin nocturne; all of this hurt believably. My last musical gripe (promise!) is Lucy at sixteen playing the Mendelssohn d minor. It's not a matter of difficulty, but why would she choose that piece? Not the violin concerto but the piano one. Because at that age, unless you've played every other concerto there is you're not gonna pick Mendelssohn d minor. This bothered me so much I called some grad school friends for their response as well. Both of these friends are also piano performance majors.
What Jennifer said. "No I haven't played that. Why would I? Maybe if I'm recording both just to get it out of the way for posterity's sake. Why would anyone play that?"
What Jay said. "You mean the violin concerto?"
"No, piano concerto in d minor. Mendelssohn."
"There's a d minor piano concerto?"
Granted, I think Jay was joking but even that joke proves my point.
My musical complaints aren't only because I think I know the subject matter better than the author, rather how she presents the material puts some serious dings in Lucy's credibility. It was these issues that held me back from buying into the story.
Music aside, the most difficult points to swallow was her relationship with her family. She falls out of favor with her family, especially her Grandfather, as she gives up on piano. But I never found any tangible complaint to justify their continued hardship. I couldn't imagine her family not supporting her decision to stop playing. Furthermore, her parents damn near neglect her. She is a spoiled rich kid sure, but the degree to which they don't keep tabs on this girl stretched belief. Added to which the options for a sixteen year girl to get in trouble in San Francisco after discovering freedom after being chained to a piano for twelve years was more than I could take.
My eyes rolled a lot. And that has never happened to me in a book by Sara Zarr.
The story is about Lucy's longing to play again only not in the manner or extent to which she previously played. Will, Gus' teacher, coaxes and prods and is a wangus in general . Will's relationship with Lucy felt very, very real. I don't know how she couldn't come to see that he was an asshat.
Zarr's strong points are what she is always good at doing. Her depiction of Lucy's family, their wealth, and San Francisco are all so clear with such minimal, almost accidental, effort is phenomenal. I still love Zarr's voice. I still wish she'd write about something other than a teenage girl fighting an intangible anxiety. Musical deficiencies aside, it's a hard book for me to talk about as I'm so biased toward liking Zarr that I'm inclined to forgive a pretty weak to insubstantial plot tension just because the book was fun and easy to read.
Please do read Sara Zarr! But start here, or maybe, here.
Showing posts with label Sara Zarr. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sara Zarr. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
Monday, July 8, 2013
Story of A Girl by Sara Zarr
"One of the things Darren and me have in common is that we both let Mom and Dad down. Him because of having a kid so young, not to mention getting busted for pot when he was sixteen and having to go through this whole court thing. And me because, well, no one wants the school slut for a daughter. Technically, I'm not a slut, because there was only ever Tommy, but it's hard to defend myself on a technicality when things happened the way they did. It's not like I could get on the school PA system and issue a rebuttal. Page 42
"This is my life, I thought. This is it. When I'm thirty-five years old picking up tampons and a loaf of bread at the store and I run into Jolene Hancock in the express line, she'll look at me and when she gets home she'll tell her husband, 'I saw Deanna Lambert at the store. She's this girl I knew in high school. Kind of skanky. Slept with this gross junior when she was only thirteen.' " Page 90
In terms of character, Zarr's debut novel establishes the foundation that serves as a template for at least two of her other novels. While I feel she is a writer who has gotten better which each new book all of her signature power and visceral reality is present in Story of a Girl.
Deanna started having sex at thirteen; a year after she started smoking cigarettes; the same year she started smoking pot. Now, years later, she still struggles to redefine her identity in the eyes of her contemporaries and her family.
Deanna's parents never addressed her having sex with Tommy past her father catching them in the act and her mother--assuming Deanne is was a hyper sexually active person--buying condoms and getting her on the pilll. As time passes her mother ignores the issue; acts as if it never happened. While her father feels, and makes Deanna feel, as if it happened yesterday, everyday of their lives. Her only positive family relationship is with her older brother Darren who, fortunately for Deanna, still lives in the house with his daughter and girlfriend. Darren and Tommy were drug buddies and it was Deanna who had to call Darren off from regularly beating Tommy's ass.
Tommy has his version of what happened the night he and Deanna hooked up and he felt the urge to tell this story to everyone he knew and in the smallest of small towns in California rumor and gossip quickly become true. Deanna struggles with being comfortable with who she is and where she is, and her dreams of escape and starting over. It was nice to see the subtly in which she mirrored her father who sees his children as defined by their past and how Deanna struggles to not do the same with her friends and herself.
Outside of Darren her male relationships are all borderline disastrous She's more than a little bit in love with her best and only friend Jason, who has a girlfriend he's more than a little bit in love with. Deanna is also starting to spend time with Tommy again so many years after he has ruined so much in her life. It's through potentially epic conflict with Jason and Tommy that Deanna finds acceptance of herself and of everyone around her.
Zarr's language isn't as beautiful or well controlled as in Once was Lost; the presentation is different--more mature--than the tragically named Sweethearts; but the narrative voice is still the same and instantly recognizable as hers. Another aspect of Zarr's that I immediately picked up on was her depiction of 'blurry sex.' In a book where no language is spared--and the very crux of every aspect of Deanna's personality is the fact that she was sexually active at thirteen--from an author who clearly has control of language and subtly; I'm continually surprised at how she can put two people in a sexual situation and I can't follow what is happening between them. I don't need explicit details but Zarr has a tendency to be so vague as to be confusing. The harsh bluntness of Zarr clearly saying what happens in these moments would not only clear things up for me but would powerfully contrast with her otherwise beautiful prose in what would be some of the most tense moments of the story.
I think it's because Zarr is a writer that I enjoy so much that always want more from every book she writes. That, would be my problem as there is certainly nothing wrong or wanting in Story of Girl or anything else Zarr has written. It's good enough to make me curious about reading what won the nation book award in 2007 as Story of a Girl was a finalist but not chosen. It's good enough for me to say--as I've said many times before--that Zarr is worth reading, and this being her first book is as good a place to start as any.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Sweethearts by Sara Zarr
"This version of our lives, her version, was important to her. I knew that. It was the story she always told her friends, the one she had probably told Alan when they were dating. I'd heard and overheard it a million times myself: (...)
And it was a true enough version in some ways. Nothing about it was patently false. It just wasn't the whole story. I felt Alan watching me, "Jenna?" he prompted. "You look like you want to say something."
I glanced at him, could hardly look at my mom. "Something did happen. To me. And Cameron. Something kind of horrible."
She looked stricken and said nothing, like she was afraid to ask what it was. So I kept talking." Page 169
I don't understand the anything about marketing and publishing. The story descriptions on the back of a book and in the interior flaps are always to be ignored. Book covers are perhaps even more difficult for me to understand. I can only assume that the people in these positions are doing their jobs very well or else the trends that persist wouldn't still be around. I'm all for 'Don't judge a book by it's cover' but if I hadn't previously read Sara Zarr and loved everyone word I would have avoided Sweethearts. You have to ignore the cover. (It's not that the cover is bad, only very misleading.) Then ignore the title. (The title and cover combo try to ensure that no one other than a very specific market will approach this book, and I should think that audience would feel misled.) Finally, don't read anything on the back. So what you want, is to read this book electronically--text only--or a corrected, unbound proof. Just don't make the mistake of not reading it.
Cameron Quick and Jennifer Harris went through elementary school hell together. She was fat and told she was ugly, raised by her mother who made no time for her at all, and Cameron was raised by two people that never should have had kids for a host of awful reasons. They were teased--badly--outcast, and became friends. They were each others only friends, family and people who showed each other any kind of care or affection. The previously mentioned "horrible" thing happens and binds them together at the age of nine in a very compelling way. Soon after this traumatic event Cameron completely falls out of Jennifer's life.
Fast forward from age nine to seventeen and Jennifer Harris has transformed herself into Jenna Vaughn: new school, new body, new self confidence, friends, boyfriend; a whole new identity. All of these concepts would have been foreign to Jennifer Harris. It is Cameron's reappearance, after Jenna's long standing belief that he was dead, that makes her struggle with her identity and question the validity of Jenna Vaughn.
Contrary to popular belief, not all young adult fiction is about 'coming of age.' That seems to be what Catcher in the Rye has predisposed the world to think but it's not always the case. Jenna has come of age rather nicely (whatever that means) but when Cameron comes back she has an honest, full-blown, identity or midlife crisis at the ripe old age of seventeen.
Jennifer Harris was a kleptomaniac, a victim of neglect on so many levels, and forcibly made to be self sufficient at a very early age. Jenna is having to reconcile her present with Jennifer's past; sift through the good and bad, find what works and what doesn't without falling prey to too many destructive habits.
Sweethearts deal with Jenna's problems interacting with other people and, of course, how she explains her life to herself. Her mother, who was virtually never there in Jenna's younger life as she worked to put her self through nursing school and try for something better, doesn't know of this terrible thing that happened to Jenna and Cameron. She was never around long enough for Jenna to tell her. It's the kinda of thing that no parent would want to happen to their child, yet they'd absolutely want to know if it did. Jenna's mother was not only not ever there for her growing up, but she also lied to Jenna about Cameron's disappearance at the time it happened. She did so knowingly and in full understanding of what Cameron meant to Jenna as a child. Cameron's appearance adds a heavy dose of stress to their relationship that was previously never present.
Jenna's relationship with Ethan, her boyfriend, is stereotypical of a high school romance: aggressively shallow, vapid, and routine. While Ethan is definitely in line with the behavior of his age and position and most of his interest in Jenna start with his genitals, I do wish Jenna kicked him to the curb way earlier than she did. She knew her treatment of Ethan wasn't fair to either of them and it only led to further, damaging bad decisions on her part. Her internal confusion, and Ethan's presence led to a somewhat disturbing birth of what felt like Jenna's sexual dependency and need to be with someone as a way of finding solace in all the conflict that suddenly came up. Jenna and Ethan had some really blurry sex with some very weighty undertones that never developed.
With her friends, Ethan included, Jenna occupies a space between 'Yes-Man' and high school ideal. She has everything she could want and slowly starts to acknowledge that her life is fake. She has been giving into whatever will support her status; whatever will keep her far away from Jennifer Harris. Cameron comes back and she starts stealing again, eating disturbing amounts of ice cream and candy, and questioning the relationships with the people she had previously called her friends.
Not surprisingly, her relationship is most complex with Cameron. Cameron is more of a figurehead that represents Jenna's past. He's not a solid, tangible, developed or substantial character. He isn't given much time in the book, and what little we get is infuriating and led me to believe that he was an asshat. He is all the friction in Jenna's life within herself, her mother, and her past. Cameron and Jennifer are the ultimate platonic relationship that isn't stable or meant to last. Jenna's mother said Cameron represents 'unfinished business' and I liked that expression except I never felt she would move on or live a fulfilling life in any capacity. She starts stealing again with no remorse and binge eating with only vain thoughts as to her looks; never once thinking why she's stealing or eating mountains of cake. She certainly had sex with Ethan for all the wrong reasons, and never thought to ask herself why she was doing it. We see Jenna explore many possible outlets to relieve her stress but she never actually dealt with the problem. Simply getting over the psychological abuse she went through as a child isn't really an option, what she went through would undoubtedly stick and change a person, but she seemed really well adjusted--all things considered--before Cameron came back, and lying to one's self to be happy isn't exactly rare these days. I'm really not sure what all I wanted from Cameron's character but he was a bit too abstract to really impact the story.
You should know by now that I complain the most about the books I love best. In having read Once was Lost, I've seen Zarr go further and develop topics more than was done in Sweethearts.
Jenna seemed a bit too close to her stepfather, Alan, not in a way that felt creepy or false but he was easily her BFF and that was never developed and considering her past with older male figures it didn't exactly ring true. Also the ending felt super rushed. Not only because Cameron had to get out of Dodge, but Jenna's sexual experiences were glossed over and pushed aside as if they meant nothing to her even if she did it with a good guy, it was for bad reasons and at that age, and it being her first times I felt those encounters would have had a much stronger impact on her development as a person.
I wanted a lot more resolution than the book even hinted at. The identity crisis is not resolved. Will Jenna keep stealing? Doubt it, but we don't know. Binge eating? No. She's not shallow but she likes how she looks and understand the work it took to get the body she has. Will Jenna keep having comfort sex with guys as a physical escape from all that causes pain and confusion in her life with no regard for consequence, emotional attachment, or underlying problems? Probably. None of these 'escapes' or regressions back to Jennifer (sans the sex of course) were ever addressed. This is the main reason Cameron as a character felt false: he was a great vehicle to aid Zarr in telling a powerful story; he shows up, causing tons of tension, but then leaves, and not a lot has changed let alone been resolved.
If you've read enough of my commentaries you can probably tell I loved this book.
The title is not awful. The cover would be great for a different book. My 'best book of 2012' Once was Lost recently got a re-release with a new cover and title. I think the same treatment would benefit Sweethearts. That said, who cares? It's got Zarr's name on it so go read it and enjoy both days it will take you to finish. Zarr really has a firm grip on the 'strong young girl, all alone, with negligent parents, emotional and psychological suffering' thing down. As in she's excellent at that, and proven it at least twice. Here's to hoping that her May 2013 release shows that this wonderfully talented author can offer some diversity.
And it was a true enough version in some ways. Nothing about it was patently false. It just wasn't the whole story. I felt Alan watching me, "Jenna?" he prompted. "You look like you want to say something."
I glanced at him, could hardly look at my mom. "Something did happen. To me. And Cameron. Something kind of horrible."
She looked stricken and said nothing, like she was afraid to ask what it was. So I kept talking." Page 169
I don't understand the anything about marketing and publishing. The story descriptions on the back of a book and in the interior flaps are always to be ignored. Book covers are perhaps even more difficult for me to understand. I can only assume that the people in these positions are doing their jobs very well or else the trends that persist wouldn't still be around. I'm all for 'Don't judge a book by it's cover' but if I hadn't previously read Sara Zarr and loved everyone word I would have avoided Sweethearts. You have to ignore the cover. (It's not that the cover is bad, only very misleading.) Then ignore the title. (The title and cover combo try to ensure that no one other than a very specific market will approach this book, and I should think that audience would feel misled.) Finally, don't read anything on the back. So what you want, is to read this book electronically--text only--or a corrected, unbound proof. Just don't make the mistake of not reading it.
Cameron Quick and Jennifer Harris went through elementary school hell together. She was fat and told she was ugly, raised by her mother who made no time for her at all, and Cameron was raised by two people that never should have had kids for a host of awful reasons. They were teased--badly--outcast, and became friends. They were each others only friends, family and people who showed each other any kind of care or affection. The previously mentioned "horrible" thing happens and binds them together at the age of nine in a very compelling way. Soon after this traumatic event Cameron completely falls out of Jennifer's life.
Fast forward from age nine to seventeen and Jennifer Harris has transformed herself into Jenna Vaughn: new school, new body, new self confidence, friends, boyfriend; a whole new identity. All of these concepts would have been foreign to Jennifer Harris. It is Cameron's reappearance, after Jenna's long standing belief that he was dead, that makes her struggle with her identity and question the validity of Jenna Vaughn.
Contrary to popular belief, not all young adult fiction is about 'coming of age.' That seems to be what Catcher in the Rye has predisposed the world to think but it's not always the case. Jenna has come of age rather nicely (whatever that means) but when Cameron comes back she has an honest, full-blown, identity or midlife crisis at the ripe old age of seventeen.
Jennifer Harris was a kleptomaniac, a victim of neglect on so many levels, and forcibly made to be self sufficient at a very early age. Jenna is having to reconcile her present with Jennifer's past; sift through the good and bad, find what works and what doesn't without falling prey to too many destructive habits.
Sweethearts deal with Jenna's problems interacting with other people and, of course, how she explains her life to herself. Her mother, who was virtually never there in Jenna's younger life as she worked to put her self through nursing school and try for something better, doesn't know of this terrible thing that happened to Jenna and Cameron. She was never around long enough for Jenna to tell her. It's the kinda of thing that no parent would want to happen to their child, yet they'd absolutely want to know if it did. Jenna's mother was not only not ever there for her growing up, but she also lied to Jenna about Cameron's disappearance at the time it happened. She did so knowingly and in full understanding of what Cameron meant to Jenna as a child. Cameron's appearance adds a heavy dose of stress to their relationship that was previously never present.
Jenna's relationship with Ethan, her boyfriend, is stereotypical of a high school romance: aggressively shallow, vapid, and routine. While Ethan is definitely in line with the behavior of his age and position and most of his interest in Jenna start with his genitals, I do wish Jenna kicked him to the curb way earlier than she did. She knew her treatment of Ethan wasn't fair to either of them and it only led to further, damaging bad decisions on her part. Her internal confusion, and Ethan's presence led to a somewhat disturbing birth of what felt like Jenna's sexual dependency and need to be with someone as a way of finding solace in all the conflict that suddenly came up. Jenna and Ethan had some really blurry sex with some very weighty undertones that never developed.
With her friends, Ethan included, Jenna occupies a space between 'Yes-Man' and high school ideal. She has everything she could want and slowly starts to acknowledge that her life is fake. She has been giving into whatever will support her status; whatever will keep her far away from Jennifer Harris. Cameron comes back and she starts stealing again, eating disturbing amounts of ice cream and candy, and questioning the relationships with the people she had previously called her friends.
Not surprisingly, her relationship is most complex with Cameron. Cameron is more of a figurehead that represents Jenna's past. He's not a solid, tangible, developed or substantial character. He isn't given much time in the book, and what little we get is infuriating and led me to believe that he was an asshat. He is all the friction in Jenna's life within herself, her mother, and her past. Cameron and Jennifer are the ultimate platonic relationship that isn't stable or meant to last. Jenna's mother said Cameron represents 'unfinished business' and I liked that expression except I never felt she would move on or live a fulfilling life in any capacity. She starts stealing again with no remorse and binge eating with only vain thoughts as to her looks; never once thinking why she's stealing or eating mountains of cake. She certainly had sex with Ethan for all the wrong reasons, and never thought to ask herself why she was doing it. We see Jenna explore many possible outlets to relieve her stress but she never actually dealt with the problem. Simply getting over the psychological abuse she went through as a child isn't really an option, what she went through would undoubtedly stick and change a person, but she seemed really well adjusted--all things considered--before Cameron came back, and lying to one's self to be happy isn't exactly rare these days. I'm really not sure what all I wanted from Cameron's character but he was a bit too abstract to really impact the story.
You should know by now that I complain the most about the books I love best. In having read Once was Lost, I've seen Zarr go further and develop topics more than was done in Sweethearts.
Jenna seemed a bit too close to her stepfather, Alan, not in a way that felt creepy or false but he was easily her BFF and that was never developed and considering her past with older male figures it didn't exactly ring true. Also the ending felt super rushed. Not only because Cameron had to get out of Dodge, but Jenna's sexual experiences were glossed over and pushed aside as if they meant nothing to her even if she did it with a good guy, it was for bad reasons and at that age, and it being her first times I felt those encounters would have had a much stronger impact on her development as a person.
I wanted a lot more resolution than the book even hinted at. The identity crisis is not resolved. Will Jenna keep stealing? Doubt it, but we don't know. Binge eating? No. She's not shallow but she likes how she looks and understand the work it took to get the body she has. Will Jenna keep having comfort sex with guys as a physical escape from all that causes pain and confusion in her life with no regard for consequence, emotional attachment, or underlying problems? Probably. None of these 'escapes' or regressions back to Jennifer (sans the sex of course) were ever addressed. This is the main reason Cameron as a character felt false: he was a great vehicle to aid Zarr in telling a powerful story; he shows up, causing tons of tension, but then leaves, and not a lot has changed let alone been resolved.
If you've read enough of my commentaries you can probably tell I loved this book.
The title is not awful. The cover would be great for a different book. My 'best book of 2012' Once was Lost recently got a re-release with a new cover and title. I think the same treatment would benefit Sweethearts. That said, who cares? It's got Zarr's name on it so go read it and enjoy both days it will take you to finish. Zarr really has a firm grip on the 'strong young girl, all alone, with negligent parents, emotional and psychological suffering' thing down. As in she's excellent at that, and proven it at least twice. Here's to hoping that her May 2013 release shows that this wonderfully talented author can offer some diversity.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
Once Was Lost by Sara Zarr
Now I look around at our monocultural faces which are sort of smiling, but not nearly as happily as the poster faces. Mine least of all. It's not that I wouldn't like to share. It's not like I want to feel like this, live forever in this mood of resistance and suspicion and doubt. But I've been feeling this way too long to remember how not to. How would they react if I really did share, the way we're supposed to, and said: My mom is in "court-suggested" rehab and my dad has no clue how to deal with it or even talk about it, and I think I might be depressed? What if I said that? Page 20
Sam has lost every facet of permanence in her life. The resulting instability manifest itself as the thinnest veneer of affected calm and composure; it's fragile and seemingly waiting to fall apart under the strain of life itself. Sam's mother allowed alcohol to take her out of Sam's life and she doesn't understand how this happened. Her father is handling the strain even worse than she and she feels the two of them--the only family she has left--growing further apart and that distance is threatening to destroy her. As if to undermine all the little things she has always taken for granted, Sam and her dad are borderline insolvent due to legal expenses, rehab, and the general cost of living. Finally, of all the things that are falling apart it's Sam's faith that perhaps leaves her reeling the most.
Once Was Lost deals with faith in a very broad general sense. It's not a religious book and there is no preaching of Christian virtue but the concept of belief is integral to the narrative. I feel a bit odd pointing this out as if there is something wrong with super religious Christian faith books (which this isn't), but I also know that such books are a turn off for me and I would hate for anyone to miss out on Once Was Lost out of fear of reading a sermon.
"Now I don't know. This is different than doubt. This is something I've never felt before, a total absence of whatever it is that's made me who I am, on the inside, all my life."
The color of Sam's voice is both melancholy and very sad. More than this it is extremely expressive which balances nicely with all she can't manage to say or express with other people.
Sam's father is the pastor of a church in a very small California town. Her mother, who is absent from the book but for the briefest glimpses, perhaps embodies all the difficulties and problems that Sam is going through. Sam is treated different as the pastor's kid, excluded from many activities of her peers, and her life is generally assumed to be perfect. Sam has real difficulties in talking to anyone about how she feels and this is complicated by fact that her father has never once made mention of his wife's absence in their life: not at church, not home. As bad as events begin they proceed to get catastrophically worse.
A young girl disappears and her loss throws the community into absolute terror and disarray. In the midst of the panic Sam makes what is perhaps her first real friend; Nick the missing girl's older brother. The experts on TV and the local police all insist that when a child goes missing it is usually someone local behind the disappearance; someone in the community. Nick is the prime suspect even as he professes nothing but love and grief about the loss of his sister. To Sam's absolute amazement, Nick is able to talk about what it's like being taken to the police station and interrogated, talked about endlessly on the news and internet, how his parents treat him differently and no one looks at him the same way they used to, and he does so in a way that comforts Sam as she juxtaposes his expressions for all she is going through. Their tragedies overlap and they find a depraved sort of comfort in being miserable together.
"That makes him smile. I can make Nick Shaw smile, even so soon after him having to look at the building-size face of his missing sister. It's the happiest I've felt in a long time."
The depiction of the relationship between Sam and her father was beautifully done. She desperately wants her dad to be active in her life and more than anything to talk to her about all the meaningful things they need to address: her mother's alcoholism and the factors that lead to it and her treatment and eventual reincorporation into their lives, the fact that they are broke and Sam won't be returning to the private school she previously attended, and that neither one of them are doing a good job taking care of themselves let alone as a family. Her dad is riding the knife's edge in potentially neglecting his daughter, but his church responsibilities particularly in light of girl's disappearance and, organizing vigils, searches, and spending time with the family, overwhelm him. He has the right words for everyone else and is perfect for the world but has no clue how to address his daughter. What Sam can't see is her father isn't being actively negligent rather he is a horribly pitiful combination of innately spineless and--considering the extraordinary circumstances--justifiably scared out of his mind at the realities life is presenting him. By the time he starts being overbearing and overprotective she's actually grateful for the attention.
What Sam can see is the possibility of her father, 'the perfect Pastor Charlie,' getting comfortable with another woman while is wife is away at rehab. Zarr is absolutely brutal when it comes to ratcheting up of the tension.
The narrative voice of Once Was Lost heavily reminded me of Lydia from Miriam Gershow's The Local News. It is only by way of being mired in Sam's first-person, teen-aged, depression that this novel doesn't literally fly by. It is a small, but super dense book that for me proved impossible to walk away from. Don't start this one late at night as the temptation to finish may prove stronger than your common sense telling you to go to bed. So many things happen at the end and considering all that has been going on readers have to expect some very messy resolutions. Whether or not Sam finds faith in anything is moot, but she does find some measure of peace. Despite the plot and intimacy there is a 'hands-off!' distance from events. I think this is the only way readers can get through without falling apart every ten pages and having multiple breakdowns. That said, while there is an objective lack of overt sentiment (remember we see everything through Sam's detached depression) don't be surprised upon reading this should you fall apart multiple times and have a few breakdowns...
The crux of all Sam's anxiety is her mother. In light of the girl's disappearance Sam comes to understand all that is expected of her father and even sees a few of the reasons that drove her mother to drink. She feels if her mother comes home that she'll also regain her father and the collective family that has been missing and then everything else in life will miraculously fall into place. She also deals with guilt of not wanting her mother back because Sam has seen first hand an alcoholic at it's worst.
"I don't miss coming home from school not sure about whether I'd find the functional or nonfunctional version of her.
I don't miss making up excuses when people from church would call to make sure Mom was okay after skipping a meeting of the building committee or failing to show up for a scheduled lunch.
I don't miss the way Dad and I always pretended, even with each other and no one else looking, that everything was fine.
But I miss, her."
It's a community with no secrets, everyone knows everything: about Sam's mother's drinking, about Nick being a suspect--but no one is willing to talk about anything; this yields a profound feeling that the community's neglect, lack of faith in each other, and inability to support one another makes the pain of a few individuals so visceral. From start to finish this novel was as gorgeous as it was sad. Nonetheless, considering the book as a whole I can't help but recall a specific Dr Seuss quote: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
I know I'm gushing. And I know I'm not prone to gush, but Once Was Lost is a rare accomplishment and merits my enthusiasm and your reading time.
Sam has lost every facet of permanence in her life. The resulting instability manifest itself as the thinnest veneer of affected calm and composure; it's fragile and seemingly waiting to fall apart under the strain of life itself. Sam's mother allowed alcohol to take her out of Sam's life and she doesn't understand how this happened. Her father is handling the strain even worse than she and she feels the two of them--the only family she has left--growing further apart and that distance is threatening to destroy her. As if to undermine all the little things she has always taken for granted, Sam and her dad are borderline insolvent due to legal expenses, rehab, and the general cost of living. Finally, of all the things that are falling apart it's Sam's faith that perhaps leaves her reeling the most.
Once Was Lost deals with faith in a very broad general sense. It's not a religious book and there is no preaching of Christian virtue but the concept of belief is integral to the narrative. I feel a bit odd pointing this out as if there is something wrong with super religious Christian faith books (which this isn't), but I also know that such books are a turn off for me and I would hate for anyone to miss out on Once Was Lost out of fear of reading a sermon.
"Now I don't know. This is different than doubt. This is something I've never felt before, a total absence of whatever it is that's made me who I am, on the inside, all my life."
The color of Sam's voice is both melancholy and very sad. More than this it is extremely expressive which balances nicely with all she can't manage to say or express with other people.
Sam's father is the pastor of a church in a very small California town. Her mother, who is absent from the book but for the briefest glimpses, perhaps embodies all the difficulties and problems that Sam is going through. Sam is treated different as the pastor's kid, excluded from many activities of her peers, and her life is generally assumed to be perfect. Sam has real difficulties in talking to anyone about how she feels and this is complicated by fact that her father has never once made mention of his wife's absence in their life: not at church, not home. As bad as events begin they proceed to get catastrophically worse.
A young girl disappears and her loss throws the community into absolute terror and disarray. In the midst of the panic Sam makes what is perhaps her first real friend; Nick the missing girl's older brother. The experts on TV and the local police all insist that when a child goes missing it is usually someone local behind the disappearance; someone in the community. Nick is the prime suspect even as he professes nothing but love and grief about the loss of his sister. To Sam's absolute amazement, Nick is able to talk about what it's like being taken to the police station and interrogated, talked about endlessly on the news and internet, how his parents treat him differently and no one looks at him the same way they used to, and he does so in a way that comforts Sam as she juxtaposes his expressions for all she is going through. Their tragedies overlap and they find a depraved sort of comfort in being miserable together.
"That makes him smile. I can make Nick Shaw smile, even so soon after him having to look at the building-size face of his missing sister. It's the happiest I've felt in a long time."
The depiction of the relationship between Sam and her father was beautifully done. She desperately wants her dad to be active in her life and more than anything to talk to her about all the meaningful things they need to address: her mother's alcoholism and the factors that lead to it and her treatment and eventual reincorporation into their lives, the fact that they are broke and Sam won't be returning to the private school she previously attended, and that neither one of them are doing a good job taking care of themselves let alone as a family. Her dad is riding the knife's edge in potentially neglecting his daughter, but his church responsibilities particularly in light of girl's disappearance and, organizing vigils, searches, and spending time with the family, overwhelm him. He has the right words for everyone else and is perfect for the world but has no clue how to address his daughter. What Sam can't see is her father isn't being actively negligent rather he is a horribly pitiful combination of innately spineless and--considering the extraordinary circumstances--justifiably scared out of his mind at the realities life is presenting him. By the time he starts being overbearing and overprotective she's actually grateful for the attention.
What Sam can see is the possibility of her father, 'the perfect Pastor Charlie,' getting comfortable with another woman while is wife is away at rehab. Zarr is absolutely brutal when it comes to ratcheting up of the tension.
The narrative voice of Once Was Lost heavily reminded me of Lydia from Miriam Gershow's The Local News. It is only by way of being mired in Sam's first-person, teen-aged, depression that this novel doesn't literally fly by. It is a small, but super dense book that for me proved impossible to walk away from. Don't start this one late at night as the temptation to finish may prove stronger than your common sense telling you to go to bed. So many things happen at the end and considering all that has been going on readers have to expect some very messy resolutions. Whether or not Sam finds faith in anything is moot, but she does find some measure of peace. Despite the plot and intimacy there is a 'hands-off!' distance from events. I think this is the only way readers can get through without falling apart every ten pages and having multiple breakdowns. That said, while there is an objective lack of overt sentiment (remember we see everything through Sam's detached depression) don't be surprised upon reading this should you fall apart multiple times and have a few breakdowns...
The crux of all Sam's anxiety is her mother. In light of the girl's disappearance Sam comes to understand all that is expected of her father and even sees a few of the reasons that drove her mother to drink. She feels if her mother comes home that she'll also regain her father and the collective family that has been missing and then everything else in life will miraculously fall into place. She also deals with guilt of not wanting her mother back because Sam has seen first hand an alcoholic at it's worst.
"I don't miss coming home from school not sure about whether I'd find the functional or nonfunctional version of her.
I don't miss making up excuses when people from church would call to make sure Mom was okay after skipping a meeting of the building committee or failing to show up for a scheduled lunch.
I don't miss the way Dad and I always pretended, even with each other and no one else looking, that everything was fine.
But I miss, her."
It's a community with no secrets, everyone knows everything: about Sam's mother's drinking, about Nick being a suspect--but no one is willing to talk about anything; this yields a profound feeling that the community's neglect, lack of faith in each other, and inability to support one another makes the pain of a few individuals so visceral. From start to finish this novel was as gorgeous as it was sad. Nonetheless, considering the book as a whole I can't help but recall a specific Dr Seuss quote: "Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
I know I'm gushing. And I know I'm not prone to gush, but Once Was Lost is a rare accomplishment and merits my enthusiasm and your reading time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
