And why should you have to make up your own mind?

Okay. I’ll come out and say it; hate if you want, but you know I’m right. The world is going to hell: McCain, Obama--Bob Barr if you like--will lead us into a new era of doom. DOOM, I tell you! Worse than a fate of spending the next four years in an inferno picking fleas off a camel’s crotch is the fact that not the next President, rather the American people who vote for him will lead us there. I present to you, public enemy number one: roughly eighty percent of the voting population.

No science or opinion polls were consulted in coming up with that number, because this is my blog and I can make up statistics if I want to. Democracy is a beautiful idea, but in practice I’m not so sure. The thought of everyone having a ‘voice’ is very appealing, but the problem with giving everyone a vote is that most of ‘everyone’ is a moron.

“Did you listen to Obama’s speech?” a co-worker of mine asked another the day after the DNC. “No. It was late, and it was a long day. I just figured I read about it online and listen to what the ‘talking-heads’ had to say.” This is a real conversation that I heard between two people that are allowed a vote in our system. One person asked a question seeking quasi-intelligent conversation. (Quasi because nothing concerning politics is really worth listening to.) The other… well; there’s no need for name calling.

Allow me to make things worse. The ‘talking heads’ in this situation consist of Neal Boortz, Noam Chomsky, and Sean Hannity. Nothing wrong with that lot; all very educated and well informed personalities, but they do have a certain hardcore spin on all the talk about. Scariest of all, it’s not just this one co-worker that thinks like this, hence my fictitious but plausible statistic above. The only thing worse than voting straight down party lines due to some indefinable belief that the other guy is wrong is taking the gift of democracy and putting it in someone else’s hands. I’m doing my best to stay objective and feel it necessary to say that the three listed above aren’t the only ones out there influencing people’s vote. Liberal thinkers do it to. (Though I do find it ironic that conservative radio personalities are the more outspoken ones.)

Influence is okay: it’s nothing more than what the candidates are trying to do. Not listening to a speech in an election year is okay. (In Obama’s case I think it’s necessary; through no fault of his own, he’s gift for oratory is phenomenal, thus dangerous. Read his speeches, then figure out if he said anything...)

A brief moment of patriotism: (disgruntled Europeans living abroad, beware…) American history is perhaps most boring to Americans. It is common place and beaten into our heads from first grade. Try to view it with virgin eyes and I’m sure you’ll agree that despite all our founding fathers hypocrisy they had some phenomenal ideals at heart. In America there are certain, “ inalienable” rights that citizens have, like owning projectile weapons designed to kill people, and spousal abuse. In explicit detail, we legislate who can do what and why; sadly we don’t revoke these peoples same rights with any amount of haste. At the risk of sounding undemocratic, I don’t think many American rights are inalienable, rather, they should be earned.

When we come of age, we are made to prove to the state of our residency that we are capable of driving a car. Make enough mistakes and the right is taken away. Why is the same not true for having children? If I may be blunt: if you are over the age of sixty and your car is longer than a Toyota Camry, you should have your driving privileges revoked. The same is true if you are female, asian, and have a profound urge that leads you to drive in the far left lane. If you are unable to determine which candidate is the best to vote for, then you shouldn’t vote and be held legally responsible for your action if you do in fact make an ill-informed (not your own) decision. Ignorance to the law has never been an excuse, but if you are ignorant or just plain unwilling to choose sides (make a stand) your voice still counts? Is that contradictory to anyone else? Kinda like McCain hating on Obama for having a platform of ‘change’ and having Palin go out and preach ‘reform.’ Or Obama calling McCain elitist because he’s richer than Midas and to old to remember how many houses he has while Obama eats an arugula salad...

Have you ever had a salad comprised of nothing but arugula? Seriously?

(Liar.)

Delegates, Super delegates. Do you know what they are? Do you how Bush got in office two straight terms? I feel that myself and others should be super Delegates of sorts that have the authority to revoke peoples right to the popular vote. A little un-democratic I know, but the system has many flaws, so allow me my suggestions.

The eighty percent that I referred to earlier are also made up by the people I overheard at lunch last week while dining on margaritas and hot sauce. “I just don’t trust that Oh-BAM-ah, fella. I don’t know why, but nothing good is gon’ come a that one.” “We need to pray for our Savior and future Sovereign: the Good Mr. Sen. John McCain.”

R. Kelley, pee on me if I’m making this up. People actually said this out loud. Don’t trust Obama? That’s fine, only give me a reason why. Is that asking too much? A little justification for your belief or is it so much easier to escape the physical effort of thought and seek prayer?

I don’t care who you vote for I really don’t. And to those that are concerned that my political apathy is in jeopardy rest assured; I’m as indifferent as ever. After all, we survived Bush for eight years, what could Obama or McCain possibly do to ‘and-one’ that?

“Morons of nations--(present readership excluded)--, heed the call and head to voting office this November. Cast your vote for whomever you deem worthy, but please--on bended knee in a most humble gesture of earnest supplication, I beseech you; make sure your vote is your own.”